Transformers 2- My opinions

The Transformers franchise was is based on a child’s play thing and a child’s television show from the 1980’s.  When it came out, I was about 8 years old and thought they were AWESOME.  I sucked at transforming them, would end up breaking them before I figured them out most of the time but I still loved them and the TV show was a daily staple for me.  Each episode had a moral to teach and its characters were seen as iconic figures that protected what was “right, just and good” in the world.

This film degrades that image and childhood legacy.  I’ll explain this opinion, however first the good things:
(Oh, and I suppose this is where I should tell you that I might give something away, so if you don’t want to know details don’t read it. Kthxbi)

Visually, it’s incredible.  The fact that you get to actually see the assembly of Devastator is AWESOME and the addition of bots on both sides in this film was definitely a welcome surprise.  The choreography of the battle scenes were detailed, precise and realistic.  I want to see it again at IMAX, somewhere toward the back of the theater so I can see the transformations a bit more clearly and see the battle in Shanghai in greater detail.  Which by the way… I KNOW was a direct response to everyone’s frustration with the first one in that Prime didn’t show up for the first 20 minutes, there were too many humans and not enough bots.  That to me, says they heard us when we challenged them the first time.  They did give us exactly what we wanted in that respect, and I totally appreciated every moment.  We had great seats, but the images were so fast, so detailed and overwhelming it became very difficult to focus.  Overall, I got my pretty explosions and some amazing, giant robots kicking ass.  I loved the wide, sweeping panoramic shots, even though the repeated spinning made me dizzy a few times.  Megan Fox was smokin’ hot, chick bots that resemble “Species” aliens also rule, Shia is growing up nicely, and I TOLD you Bumblebee was a bad ass!! (although i wish he was still a VW) That’s all I gotta say about that.  Bottom line- I was satisfied; however I will not be recommending this movie to anyone with children under 12.

Now onto the things that pissed me off: They took so much care and time with it visually, and it wasn’t that bad of a concept overall, I mean… it had potential had it been done carefully.  The breakdown was in the writing.  It wasn’t even the actors, which I know many of my fellow columnists here would disagree but honestly, how good can your acting be when the script is so horrible??  I could have done better handing a lap top to a 14 year old who’s most creative experience was playing Magic the Gathering.

The Transformers story has a rich history spanning across literally millions of years.  There is potential there.  Just as there is with Star Wars, Star Trec and Dr. Who and it’s no less valuable.  Now, don’t misunderstand, I wasn’t expecting an epic film that would actualize all the potential within 2 ½ hours.  I wasn’t expecting Oscar award winning performances or “Best Screenplay” opportunities.
All I was expecting was an appreciation for what it actually was and, in my opinion, they missed the mark by miles. Its potential was undermined by poor writing and underdeveloped characters, giving the actors little opportunity to give the characters soul at all.  Critics may blame the actors, but the fault lays with the writers, 100% with their over-emphasis on visual spectacle and an assumption that sexual innuendo and unintelligent comedy would carry through the bad lines.  There was a blatant under appreciation for history, target demographic and true fans.

As far as the actual story goes, I found the characters to be underdeveloped and the story arch to be so obviously far removed from their attention that they didn’t allow you the opportunity to feel… well, ANYthing.  The most tragic thing that could have happened in this story did… and they moved on so quickly, there’s no time to give it much thought.  Similar to Star Wars Episode III and X-Men: The Last Stand, they just didn’t give you a chance to feel enough.  In SW- they killed almost ALL the Jedi but it happens SO fast, then they jump directly onto another topic so it doesn’t give you an opportunity to let the tragedy sink in.  They robbed me of that moment and it was infuriating.

In X-Men, I waited the entire film to see Phoenix really take shape, to have her truly realize her power and see that battle inside her explode into a blazing rage.  I never got that feeling, because JUST as it was about to happen… they KILLED HER.  I don’t even wanna get into how much that pissed me off…

So as you can see, this is an ongoing theme with me.  All I ask in a film is that you don’t rob me of that moment when I want to cry.  I don’t like chick movies because they DEMAND you cry.  Don’t MAKE me do it, just give me the opportunity when it’s called for.  It’s really not too much to ask to just let me have that experience.

Ultimately and finally, (yes, I’ve gotten to my point) I knew better than to put too much investment into this movie and honestly I still had a great time.  I think I’d even watch it again in fact, I can guarantee you I will see it again.  I just won’t be seeing it with my nephews and that’s unfortunate because they LOVE Transformers and I’m absolutely certain that I’m not the only person that feels this way.  Not only do I not want to muddy their image of who they think the characters are, their parents won’t want to expose them to this new generation of bots that show their balls, say vulgar things and while still do good, love humanity and protect the innocent, give the example that it’s okay to call someone a pussy and kick your best friends around for fun.  They’ll just have to come into that all on their own, as I’ll have no part of it.

Oh yeah, and it still pisses me off that no one ever calls Sam Spike.