And now an important message from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention…
April 14, 2012
RESCUE (YOURSELF FROM THE) CATS
As you may have heard, there has been a recent outbreak of the “Undead Feline Virus” or UFV, for short. As of yet, there is no cure forUFV. Therefore, we ask the people be extremely cautious. If you see a cat, please assess the situation thoroughly before interacting with it. Look for the following traits:
- Darting eyes
- Long periods of little to no movement
- Low, guttural noises
- Destructive tendencies, such as knocking things over or scratching furniture
- Seemingly supernatural hearing abilities when it comes to bags of cat food being opened
If you notice one or all of these traits, be warned: you are definitely dealing with a cat. How do you tell if it’s a cat infected with UFV? How the heck should we know? We’re staying away from the whole friggin’ species. Do you think we want to risk our lives? C’mon! We’re not stupid!
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