Silly Internet, Deadpool Is NOT For Kids!

Okay, people… c’mon. I’m a comic lover with two small children who have followed in our shadows to love super heroes and yet… there is NO CHANCE IN ANYONE’S FIREY VERSION OF HELL I would EVER take them to see Deadpool no matter how nicely they asked.

I’m typing this as we watch Guardians of the Galaxy, which is the most “adult” we get in this house when children are present and even that gets shelved when behaviors begin to manifest. No one wants to see a five year old with Starlord’s attitude. If this is the first article of mine that you’ve read, I should tell you outright, we are pretty careful. When children are present, we don’t watch Supernatural, Walking Dead, we don’t play Arkham or Call of Duty and we don’t have half naked comic book characters, posters or action figures displayed anymore. Those are all things we put away when our kids got old enough to understand what they were looking at. They have attended ComicCon International, Wondercon, Star Wars Celebration and Ren-Faire, but being part of the culture does not mean they have to have their childhoods torn apart. They can be part of it all without being ruined by it. That is the goal we are seeking.  

We made a choice to put their innocence first. To protect their childhood by filling it with a solid foundation before we allowed them to see how completely broken everyone else’s was. We want them to be built up so they are strong once they enter the world of chaos. We want them to be mountains that withstand… not sand that fades in a storm. You create mountains through teaching them what they are ready to learn at just the right time… not by subjecting them to everything out there and hoping for the best.   

Recently, a mother of an eight year old child has created a petition to “childize” Deadpool, calling to force Fox to cut the film so there is a second, PG-13 version, so her child can watch the movie… because “he really loves super heroes”.  I have several issues with this and my head is reeling from confusion, so maybe you guys can help me out here by answering a few questions.

1- Why would an 8 year old even *really* know who Deadpool is in the first place?  The comics are not sold to children in  most comic book shops.  He appears in ONE, TERRIBLE (I don’t have enough fonts to express that enough) movie for about 6 minutes and then dies a stupid, unworthy death. He also shows up for an occasional cameo appearance in other super hero shows from time to time, all of which are at least Y-7 rated, but that’s about it. There really is no opportunity for Deadpool to be a “favorite” for a child under 10 because he’s hardly visible… BECAUSE HE IS NOT A CHILD’S CHARACTER!

However, I’d be remiss not to disclose that my own 5 year old learned about him and thought he was cool, because he was red, for about a month. He appeared in an episode of some other show he had been watching with his cousin (a show that I would NOT have allowed him to see, btw), so he does know who he is, but it was a pretty quick conversation about how Deadpool can be funny and silly, but he’s also confusing because he’s super mean and can be scary, too. When my son is older, I assured him, I will let him read about Deadpool because Deadpool is for grown ups. That was the end of it and soon he went back to loving Iron Man and Lego Batman instead. It’s not hard to set limits.  It was one conversation and then done.

2- Do parents not understand the concept of waiting? I love my babies. I would give them anything within reason. I feed them, I give them desert, princess dresses, lightsabers, Disney passes, Lego games, books… they get lots of things and treats and games and it’s the absolute best feeling in the world to see them smile when they get something they really want after they’ve asked SO nicely for it… but c’mon. There are limits here. Just because my child asks for Deadpool with a sweet note and a hug and a promise to be a very good boy does NOT mean I’m going to let him have it!  Have a little discipline!

3- Are people actually THAT entitled that they really believe they can just demand shit like this from a film company to satisfy their little Varuca at home who really, really wants a pony and a squirrel and a golden goose and a chocolate factory of her own?  Seriously?? I am constantly amazed by the utter gall some people have these days. They believe if they ask for something they should get it. If they can’t have it, they just get more people to demand that thing with them until it creates an issue and to keep the PR people happy, someone would eventually crack and give it to them. In this case, I believe it would be damaging to their industry, to the integrity of the character and a disservice to the fans for them to cave and allow this to actually happen. I see bad things in their future if they begin to negotiate ideas like this on a regular basis. Listen to your uncle Ackbar and just don’t do it!

4- Even if they cut it down to PG-13, an eight year old still has no business watching it. Yes I know I sound like a damn hypocrite because I’m watching Guardians of the Galaxy with them right now… but even if you cut the sex, minimize the violence and tone down the language, Deadpool is STILL not a character who is anywhere near appropriate for children.  Also, if you toned down the language to fit a PG-13 rating, the film would probably be about 35 minutes long or, I imagine, it would be something like trying to watch Boondock Saints on regular network TV; “Fudge you, what the bucking duck? Who the duck? Fudge this ducking… who is this bucking….DUUUCK!” …yeah, not gonna work. Sorry.

Does this look like it’s for kids?!?

5- Can’t you just let them watch Spiderman? He’s kind of silly, he’s got an attitude, hell, he even wears red! Peter Parker and Wade Wilson share a few similar qualities, it’s just that Peter is younger and is missing the dirty mouth and the lust for… well, everything.

There is no reason a child needs to see this movie. It’s fun for adults because it’s all irony and sexy and hard core and gory and that’s fine, but nothing about Wade’s story is appropriate for children in any capacity and while adults may love him, while I love him… that is zero excuse to subject my young children to the conflict that he represents so early.  

I’m not totally heartless about this. I read that kid’s letter to his mama and my heart absolutely melted. I thought it was adorable. If he were mine, I’d be SO proud!! But then, I’d sit down with him and explain that there are some things that are not appropriate for children for a reason and when he’s ready, I’ll buy him his first Deadpool comic and he can start from the beginning, but that time is not right now. Then, I’d take him to see a movie that WAS age-appropriate and make sure he felt included and special in some other way. I wouldn’t try to bend the rules, take him anyway or ask the film company to make a new one so he could watch it.

So yeah. Bottom line; I’d give my kids the moon, but I won’t let them anywhere near Deadpool.

Deadpool is for mommy.

Trix are for kids.

It’s a fair trade.

… actually, that’s a lie.  I won’t let them eat that crap.